Do you know someone who feels trapped by indecision? Like they have no options? Many women who face big life changes get stuck in the rut of thinking there are no choices to be made—it is what it is and it’s never going to get better.
Recently I’ve heard clients say things like: “It’s never going to change.” “I’m never going to be happy again.” “I’m never going to feel confident again.” “All that negative stuff others tell me is true, and I can’t get it out of my head.” “What can I do? What choice do I have?”
The first thing I tell them is, you’re not alone. Many of us have suffered in silence and felt the same way. And many of us have found the path that moves us past our “stuck-ness” by stepping outside our comfort zone—turning desperation into inspiration.
How? By making choices. One small choice at a time. And by finding ways to ensure you make good choices—ones that serve you well and support you.
Endings are Hard to Face
Endings are upsetting. They can be debilitating and hurtful. They can throw us into a state of unknowing, which can last for a while.
The end of a marriage or breakup of a long-term relationship is the second greatest loss we can face. The loss of a loved one takes first place. So don’t underestimate the impact of these losses.
Life dishes out all kinds of losses. Being laid off from a job you need. Your last child leaves for college or gets married or just moves on. You relocate to a new city, where you know no one, and it’s not your decision.
Any of these major life events can turn your world upside down. Your internal navigation system goes out of whack—you feel lost, alone, unprepared. Sometimes you get so mired in your sadness that you can’t see any way out. It feels overwhelming, like it will never end.
Choices are your birth-right
Making choices that serve you well are your God-given right and your responsibility, if you want things to change. Don’t wait for anyone else to make the right choices for you. Choose for yourself, if you want the outcome to be one that feels right AND feels good.
Take it one small choice at a time. Test the waters. See how it works out, then make another small choice. Follow your intuition and feel confident and empowered by your choices. Own the outcome and feel happy that you’re moving forward.
If one choice doesn’t work out so well, don’t worry, don’t beat yourself up, and resist the temptation to give up. Just keep moving on. Lean on a friend to bounce around ideas or find a coach to support your journey. Testing ideas on someone who can be objective may offer you a balanced perspective that helps you see all the pros and cons. When you make a choice feeling fully informed, it helps to ground you in the certainty that your choice is a good one.
Good choices lead you down a path toward happiness. When you come to a fork in the road, consider your options carefully, decide which road to take and commit to it wholeheartedly. How many times have you heard, “when one door closes, another opens?” Look for the opportunities to move forward, to improve your situation. Take responsibility for making those choices and find what makes you happy.
Inspiration for Making Choices
Many wise people have written about choices over the years. I love it when someone else says something that inspires me, and I’ve been inspired to share these quotes with you to put a new perspective on making choices.
“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them.”
“Resentment is often a woman’s inner signal that she has been ignoring an important God-given responsibility – that of making choices.”
Choosing to Move On
“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.”
Choosing When You Come to a Fork in the Road
“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”
“Alice came to a fork in the road. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire Cat. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then it doesn’t matter.’”
“Happiness is a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experienced.”
“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
~Alexander Graham Bell
Choosing The Next Chapter
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.”
“Whatever you decide, don’t let it be because you don’t think you have a choice.” ~Hannah Harrington
“Life is not a matter of chance … it is a matter of choice.” ~Ka
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~Nelson Mandela
May these quotes be the hand that grabs yours and lifts you up into the light, so you can clearly see your options and your choices get much easier to make.