One of the questions I hear often after women have gone through the grieving process after loss, is Who am I now that this major life event has happened to me? The question that soon follows is And, what comes next? Life events, whether sudden or expected, can have a profound effect that changes you forever. The truth is, the transition you experience can be met with resistance or you can welcome it. It is your choice. When you are open to the possibilities you can actually choose your own transformation. You can decide who you are now and what comes next.

What does it mean to transform? Webster says this, to change in composition or structure; to change the outward form or appearance of; to change in character or condition: convert.

Choosing your own transformation is a conscious decision to believe that there is more to life than what you’re experiencing now. One thing you could choose to believe is that you are meant to thrive, to fulfill your purpose, to evolve and grow.

It is never too late, you are never too old, and all it takes is the belief that this is not where your story ends. Have faith in yourself that you can start writing a new chapter right here and now. Muster up the courage to put one foot in front of the other so you can build some momentum to take the leap.


Who Will You Be When You Choose Your Own Transformation?

That depends entirely on you. What if you focused on your own thoughts, the vision you have for your future and the actions you can take to turn that vision into reality? Imagine what you can create. When you think about it, those are really the only things you can control—your thoughts, your vision, and your actions.

Letting go of all that you can’t control allows you to focus on what you can, which opens up an environment in which your creativity can flourish and thrive. Let the transformation begin. Become more than you ever imagined.

I love what Dr. Judith Wright says, “When you transform, you do something that you could never have imagined yourself doing, become something you could never have imagined yourself becoming, and, ultimately, live a life greater than you could have ever imagined yourself living.”


What Steps Can You Take to Choose Your Own Transformation?

There are many steps that can be taken, some of which are naturally combined with others. I’ve outlined a few that take you through a process of examining your mindset, commitment, actions, and results.


1. Examine Your Beliefs
Are you operating under an old belief system that you were taught when you were younger? Do these beliefs have anything to do with your self-worth, self-image, or self-confidence? Are there fears that come up as a result? It’s time to challenge those beliefs and fears and create a new operating system.

2. Turn Obstacles into Opportunities
The road to transformation can be a bumpy one. At the very least, there will be uphill climbs and massive declines. Facing these challenges, and overcoming them, helps you build confidence and character, flexes your resilience muscle, so it gets strong enough to bounce back quickly when you meet the next obstacle in your path.



3. Make Growth Your Goal
First of all, nothing changes until you change something. Continuing to dig deep and understand what got you to where you are today is a self-assessment worth doing. From there, you can explore where you want to go and what it will take to get there. This journey is not a day trip; it takes a commitment of time and energy. Along the way, you will discover who you are becoming as you choose your own transformation.

4. Understand Who You Want to Become
Here’s one way to do it. Think about this: who do you admire? What are the qualities and characteristics of those people that you would like to instill in yourself as you choose your own transformation? How can you model those traits so you can become more like them? The next step is to practice so you display them naturally. Be more compassionate. Loving. Mindful. Discerning. Organized. Focused. Anything else that you would like to become?



5. Create a Crystal-clear Vision
Without this, you are operating without a compass. It’s like your GPS has no connection to the satellite. There is no guidance system that will tell you when you’re off course. The vision you have for your future will allow you to choose your transformation from the start. When there are detours, as there always are, you will still know the final destination. How you get there may deviate from your plan, but you will be able to navigate another path that will get you where you want to go.

6. Set Your Plan into Motion
One of the first ways you can do this is to evaluate all the options your vision has to offer. Then, prioritize those that should come first. Work on those by setting goals and taking actions that will help you check off each priority on your list. Remember, the key to making this a smooth operation is to take small steps as you move through the process.



7. Consistency is Key
Once you choose your transformation, it is rewarding to watch as you evolve and grow. It’s ‘the becoming’ that is a joyful ride. But, don’t get me wrong, there will be times when it feels too hard to stay the course. Your persistence and determination will make all the difference in the destination you ultimately make your own. Trust that it will take time, faith and courage along the way.

8. Surround Yourself with Trusted Advisors
As I’ve said, this journey, although immensely rewarding, can make you feel as if you are in this all alone. Consequently, you may feel like skipping steps to make it go faster or slowing down or giving up altogether. One way to avoid this pitfall is to create a team of people who understand what you are embarking on and who support your effort. Call them your Band of Angels or your Personal Board of Directors—but call them. This is not a time to go it alone. Bolster yourself with an amazing line up of people who have your back, are there to lift you up and who encourage you to keep moving forward.

When life happens unexpectedly and you know that nothing will ever be the same again, the first thing you think about will not be ‘who do I want to become now.’ You will need to work through loss and grief, and you will want to take some time to feel into what comes next.

Once you are at the point of questioning Who am I now? and What comes next? these ideas may help you choose your own transformation.


Step Onto Your Bridge

When life-changing moments suddenly flip your world upside down, you may not know who you are anymore or what comes next. I create a bridge for women to walk from that chaos to a place where they can find calmness and clarity. They build resilience along the way and learn to live a life guided by their own values and vision. To learn about a system that will help you choose your own transformation, explore the 5 Petals of Power program.