What does feeling lonely mean to you? Are you friendless? Do you have no one to turn to? Have you been abandoned? Are you unloved or unwanted?
These seem a bit dramatic, don’t they? It’s how the dictionary defines loneliness.
Many women going through divorce do feel lonely and they feel some or all of the things the dictionary describes at some point and to some degree or another.
If you’re one of them, I’d like to ask you a question:
Is it true?
Are you friendless?
Perhaps you thought your ex was your best friend at one time and that has changed. Okay. It’s changed. And who else do you have in your inner circle of friends and family who can fill that void? Reach out and consciously work on creating new bonds with people you love to be around.
Do you have no one to turn to?
Really? Who is your favorite person in the world that you tell your deepest secrets? A friend? A mentor? Who supports you spiritually? Your pastor? When you’re feeling lonely it is the best time to take action and move toward those who can support you.
Have you been abandoned?
Perhaps by your ex, yes. Some of your friends may have been lost in the divorce, too. But I’ll be willing to bet there are other people in your life who have not abandoned you. Right? Be grateful for them … thank them … trust that they are there for you.
Are you unloved or unwanted?
I know that this can feel true from time to time. I know too that you may feel unloveable! Look around you … at your family, friends, co-workers, group members with whom you share a common hobby or interest. Truth be told, there are probably lots of people who want you around and love you for who you are. Believe it. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
At different points along this divorce experience, whether you’re contemplating it, going through it as you read this or are done with the official process and working on your personal journey forward, life happens … loneliness can set in … and you don’t have to be surprised when it does. You can choose to plan for it.
3 secrets to being ready when loneliness sets in:
1—Do your favorite things. What brings you joy? What makes time fly? When you really need a departure from all the emotional upheaval, the drama and what has become your new normal, lift yourself out of it by doing something you absolutely LOVE to do. Invite someone you love to be with to do it with you, if you’d like.
2—Volunteer. Spend time with people you love to serve whom you can help with your time, love and gentle spirit. It may be children in the hospital or the elderly in a nursing home. Their gratitude will fill your heart. A full heart is never lonely.
3—Spend time alone. This may seem counter-intuitive since we’re talking about loneliness. But this works. It gives you time to allow your feelings to surface. Be with them. Learn to become your own Best Friend. Learn that being alone does not have to equate to being lonely. Be an observer of what’s happening in your world. Imagine that you lift yourself outside of you and watch. Then, become your own best advisor—what would you advise your best friend in the same circumstance? With some practice, this can become your most valuable self-care gift.
Are you prepared for feeling lonely?
Think about this as though you’re preparing for a bad storm that will keep you house-bound for a few days (in a way, you are) … what do you do? Make sure you have food and water, candles in case the lights go out, board up the windows in case of high winds and have a transistor radio handy for weather reports.
Same thing here … you’re preparing for a bad storm of loneliness that will likely occur at some random moment when you least expect it. Plan for it in any one of these three ways and you will soon be able to thumb your nose at this thing called loneliness.
You’ll learn that being alone is not so bad. In fact, one day you’ll discover that it’s so much better than being with someone else who doesn’t treat you as you deserve to be treated—like the Leading Lady of your life that you are!
From my Leading Lady heart to yours …
P.S. If you’d ready to explore how to become the Leading Lady of your life, I would be honored to show you the way in a free Discovery Session. Let’s do this together.
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