Negotiating is a skill. And when it’s time to negotiate for what you want, it can feel daunting. And just thinking about it can make some people cringe.
Several clients say they’re not good at negotiating. Mostly, they’re concerned about standing their ground when receiving a job offer or when they want to ask for a raise.
And, when I ask them what they think about negotiation, most of them say, “it feels like an argument—one I can’t win.” So, that’s when I challenge them to think about it differently.
The truth is, we negotiate for things every day—starting at a very young age! For example, as kids, we negotiated to stay up a bit later, for mom to read just one more book before going to sleep, and for one more piece of candy.
We’ve negotiated for a better car payment, monthly rent, dividing chores at home. A lot of things are up for negotiation in our lives.
You Have Skills
Because you’ve done it before, it stands to reason that you’ve learned something over the years.
But you may not know how to use those skills effectively—especially when it counts.
So, if negotiating is hard for you, too, some insights might help.
The thing about negotiation is that most of us don’t learn the skill of negotiating successfully, and there are so many bad examples of it that we think that’s how we should do it.
We watch TV and hear how the government does it, the baseball owners, or hostage negotiators. It’s us against them—and that’s not really its purpose.
Negotiating As A Skill
So, let’s look at what it is and what it’s not.
Negotiation IS NOT:
- About taking advantage
- An argument
- About who wins and who loses
- A discussion
- A collaboration to reach an agreement
- An opportunity to problem solve
The most successful negotiations are win-win. You’re better off in the end, and so is the other party. Together you’ve created something bigger and better when all is said and done.
It’s about both parties being satisfied and looking forward to a lasting and fruitful relationship.
But there is often a lot at stake as you go into a negotiation, and preparing for it is critical.
You don’t have to be rigid about it, and it’s not in your best interest to enter into it feeling scared and timid.
Preparing to Negotiate for What You Want
So, how do you prepare?
- Know what you need and want, and practice explaining your position clearly.
- Do your research to understand the other party’s needs and wants.
- Anticipate their objections and prepare your thoughtful responses.
- Identify all the possible things that can become part of the negotiation.
- Listen to understand and speak to be understood.
Each negotiation has its nuances, surprises, and opportunities to be flexible. It’s a give-and-take and you’ll realize the best outcomes when you’re open to new ideas, creative perspectives, and thinking outside the box.
So, when you’re ready to step into your power and show up confidently prepared, there is a tremendous opportunity to come out of it with something better than you imagined.
Take the First Step to Negotiate for What You Want
Don’t worry if you don’t yet have the confidence to negotiate for what you want. You’re not alone. You might be experiencing just a temporary dip in confidence and it doesn’t feel like a big deal. But, when your faith and belief in yourself is gone for too long, that’s when your life really starts being impacted.
It’s time to do something about that.
Lack of confidence is often at the core of the struggle to find solutions and negotiate for what you want. Because so many of my clients deal with this, I wanted to share this free training module called 14 Ways to Boost Your Confidence to help you too.
In this 40-minute FREE training, you’ll discover:
- The biggest difference between you and the most confident person you know.
- My top 14 ways to build your confidence skills, and
- The “test > practice > adapt-method” to hone your new expertise.