Are Choices Hard for You?

Do you feel trapped by indecision? Do you feel like you have no options? Many women who are facing a major life transition, like divorce, get stuck in the rut of thinking there are no choices to be made … it is what it is and it’s never going to get better. It’s never going to change. I’m never going to be happy again. I’m never going to feel confident again. All the negative stuff that others tell me is true and I can’t get past this. What can I do? What choice do I have?

First of all, remember that you’re not alone. Many of us have suffered in silence and felt the same way. And many of us have found the path that moves us past our “stuck-ness” by stepping outside our comfort zone—turning desperation into inspiration.

How? By making choices. One small choice at a time.

Most endings are hard to face

Endings are upsetting, debilitating and hurtful. They stop us in our tracks. The end of a marriage or other long-term relationship is the second greatest loss we can face—the loss of a loved one taking first place. So don’t underestimate the impact of these losses.

There are a lot of different kinds of losses life dishes out. Being laid off from a job you need. Your last child leaves for college or gets married or just moves on. You relocate to a new home and it’s not your decision. Any of these major life events can turn your world upside down. Your internal navigation system goes out of whack—you feel lost, alone, unprepared. Sometimes you get so mired in your sadness that you can’t see any way out. It feels overwhelming, like it will never end.

Choices are your birth-right

Making choices that serve you well are your God-given right and your responsibility, if you want things to change. Don’t wait for anyone else to make the right choices for you … choose for yourself if you want the outcome to be one that feels right AND feels good.

Take it one small choice at a time. Test the waters. See how it works out, then make another small choice. Follow your intuition and feel confident and empowered by your choices. Own the outcome and feel happy that you’re moving forward. If one choice doesn’t work out so well, don’t worry, don’t beat yourself up and resist the temptation to give up. Just keep moving on. Lean on a friend to bounce ideas off or find a coach to support your journey. Testing ideas on someone who can be objective may offer you a balanced perspective that helps you see all the pros and cons. Making a choice being fully informed helps you feel grounded that your choice is a good one.

Good choices lead you down a path toward happiness. When you come to a fork in the road, consider your options carefully, decide which road to take and commit to it wholeheartedly. How many times have you heard, “when one door closes, another opens?” Look for the opportunities to move forward, to improve your situation. Take responsibility for making those choices and find what makes you happy.

Inspiration for Making Choices

Many wise people have written about choices over the years. I love it when someone else says something that inspires me … so I share some of these quotes in the hope they will inspire you to take small steps forward that will lead you out of your rut:

On Responsibility

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” ~~Denis Waitley

“Resentment is often a woman’s inner signal that she has been ignoring an important God-given responsibility – that of making choices.” ~~Brenda Waggoner

On Moving On

“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.” ~~Ken Levine

On the Fork in the Road

“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.” ~~Cassandra Clare

“Alice came to a fork in the road. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked. ‘Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire Cat. ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered. ‘Then it doesn’t matter.’” ~~Lewis Carroll

On Happiness

“Happiness is a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experienced.” ~~Steve Maraboli

On Opportunity

“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.” ~~Alexander Graham Bell

On The Next Chapter

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~~Lao Tzu

On Choices

“Whatever you decide, don’t let it be because you don’t think you have a choice.” ~~Hannah Harrington

“Life is not a matter of chance … it is a matter of choice.” ~~Ka

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~~Nelson Mandela

From my “choosy” heart to yours …
Maria Signature

P.S. If joining a ready-made group of awesome women who have learned to make choices sounds good to you, please join us at Thrive after Divorce: Your Journey Begins on Facebook.

If this post sparked an inspiring thought, please leave a comment—and if you feel inclined to share it with friends, please do! Thank You!

About The Author

María Tomás-Keegan

María is a certified Life Transitions Coach and Mentor for Women, specializing in Divorce Recovery. She brings her multi-faceted 20+ year corporate experience as a coach, mentor, consultant and marketing manager to bear in her coaching practice. Her specialty is working with professional women who put on a mask every day pretending they're okay, while deep inside they're not. María's programs and coaching techniques help women get back in touch with their true self so they can live their lives by design, rather than by default. María is founder and "Chief Inspiration Officer" at SafeHarbor Coaching, LLC.

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